Hard times

Hi!

I can't  belive it's already August. What happend to 2017? Is just goes by so fast. 2017 for me stared good but from April to June it was a hard time for me. It's better now but not all good.

I see myself as being quit lucky in life, not really had any extreme sad or painful times, just the normal kind of hard thing most people go though. Nothing special. But this April to June definitely was one of the hardes periods of my life so far. 




Moving to Yokohama I saw as a new chance and thought it could only get better. Why wouldn't it, right? New school, new place, new city. Well I'm not saying it's all bad but it definitely not all good either. My school is a good school with good teachers and I enjoy the subjects we study and my classmates are nice. But I for the first time in my life, I can't seem to find a "group" in the class where I feel like I belong. It's harder than I thought and definitely lonely. My new place is also very nice and in a pretty good location but now I share an apartment with only one other guy and we don't see each other that much so I pretty much feel like I live alone. Then to add to it all, pretty much all of my best girlfriends have left Japan now. So how was the new start? In one word, lonely. I never really felt lonely like this before in my life so it is hard. But I'm getting thought it and do see it as a challenge I just have to take on. 




Then the most hard thing of all happend. My grandfather passed away. Fairly sudden as well. His health had not been good for many years but at the end of Mars they discovered he had lung cancer and that it had gone too far to do anything. The doctors said he had about half a year to a year. Hearing this from my mom, I decided that I wanted to come home now during summer to see him at least once and talk. But just two weeks after that first phone call the second came and yes, my grandfather had died in his sleep. My grandparents on my moms side is the only relatives exempt my close family that I did meet regularly ever since I was born. Me and my brother always did spend most of the summer at theirs house in the countryside and it was one of my best summer memories as a child. It really really hurt that I was so far away and didn't get to see him one last time and say thanks for all the things he taught me and the great memories of my childhood. He was the one that taught me and my brother how to swim, to dive and to ride a bike. It was amazing. So being in Japan at that moment did suck. It was the worst emotional pain I've felt. 




He passed away just two days before my birthday was well, so it was not the happiest of birthdays. In the end of April I went back to Sweden for the funeral. It was a short and an emotional trip. I'm happy I got to see and be with my family even if it was only for a very short time. 




Then it was back to Japan and the loniness was more real than every. But I do have very good friends here, and my boyfriends is also here. So with their support it is definitely getting better and better. Now I feel like I have processed most of the loss of my grandfather but it's not over. I guess it never is completely. But it is okay, I'm okay!

Hope you guys also get trough what ever hard time you may encounter. I know we can do it.

Many hugs!


〜Living the dream〜